Getting Bad at This.
I’m going to sound like a thirteen year old girl here for a minute, you might want to skip ahead.
I have a boyfriend. I’ve been seeing him since just prior to Mother’s day, so a tiny bit more than a month. I really like him… he’s even helped me in the garden! Major points awarded there… as well as other areas of course.
Yesterday was the ‘change in title’ which really I suppose is all the difference it truly makes, but I guess the idea is it certainly makes it easier to describe my relationship with him, versus saying ‘this guy I’ve been seeing’ you know?
I’ve avoided going to Denny’s for quite a while… normally I’d avoid it just because, well… it is Denny’s afterall, but around the middle of March I found a new reason. Last night both of us were hungry, he suggested Sheetz… and, well, I’ve had enough Sheetz to last my lifetime, including tonight. Here in “small town hell” it’s not exactly an easy thing to find food around midnight, and I wanted to actually sit down somewhere and eat. It was a bit of that ‘internal battle’ business, but I figured I couldn’t go on with being avoidant forever. Quite frankly I don’t know if I was being avoidant for my own good, or for his benefit, but as long as Mr. Denny’s and I didn’t see each other then all was well. It would figure, he was there… I saw his car, my stomach sort of turned and as much as I wanted to just say “let’s go…” I figured it couldn’t be that bad, could it?
So, I saw him… but there wasn’t any eye contact, and really no reaction.. no biggie. So, a bit later on I see him walk into this little space that allows people ‘in the back’ to see what’s going on in the smoking section, and he looks at me… and there’s plenty of eye contact that time, then there was that second look. That was it, basically, we just looked at each other… they weren’t looks of disgust or happiness, or any other discernable emotion… perhaps some of that ‘what are you doing here’ but really, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t there to see him, I was there in spite of having to possibly see him.
My heart did sink, I can’t change the fact that I reacted to seeing him… seeing me. I miss talking to him and spending time with him, but there’s nothing I can do about it, because there’s nothing I will do about it.
I’m exhausted, but you know, I’m still awake now at 3AM. I didn’t sleep very well lastnight, I think the biggest ‘problem’ so far with the boyfriend is his insistance on sleeping underneath the down comforter when it’s 90° outside… just being near him I turn into a puddle of sweat (well, okay… it’s only a problem when I want to sleep). This whole sleep schedule thing isn’t working for me, it’s just another one of those “I’m getting OLD” indicators I think. I really need to pick a schedule and stick to it without error… and possibly use sleep aids to help get onto that schedule. It’s the continuing problem of physical exhaustion, but my mind simply won’t shut off. Of course, whenever he’s not here I don’t really want to sleep… it’s better in so many uncountable ways whenever he’s right there next to me.
The weather has been horrible with high heat and equally high humidity… one can feel the air when walking outside. Today my camera’s lense wouldn’t stay clear of fog; being outside for even a few minutes I become a puddle, I’m not pleased. This is seriously putting a damper on my gardening activities, I can barely survive just deadheading and pulling weeds. Today’s storm destroyed one of my little Delphiniums, the flower stalk was snapped… blegh!
I’ve started working on garden.indiboi, mostly photos of the rose garden’s progress and upclose photos of the blooms at this point. As I find myself having more motivation to actually work on it and post photos I’ll try to do just that. ;)
Jackson & Perkins had this set of six David Austin roses on clearance, all told it cost me $32 for the set, quite a nice little deal. Now, I’ll be getting them in a few days, right in the middle of this heatwave horror — I’m supposed to get them either on the 17th or the 20th , damn that weekend business. I think I would be better off putting them into pots — I’m giving one of them to Matthew anyway, as it’s a duplicate of one I already have. I like it well enough, but not enough to have two of them when I could use the same planting space for something different. With the addition of those five, my total rose count will be up to 22. I still want to see if I can find a nice white English or ‘Old Garden’ — preferably Bourbon — rose in a pot at a greenhouse, but I’m not sure. I have at least figured out generally where the new roses will be going… that also means I need to dig up a big stretch of grass (again), lol. I took some spray paint and laid out some of the general bed redesign ideas… I have to keep focusing on making sure I can actually walk around… I’ve made an island of planting, basically my veggies & herbs surrounded on nearly all sides by flowering plants. It could be problematic, time for stepping stones. ;)
The strawberries I’d planted last year and yielding quite well, enough for a nice snack on a daily basis. I’ll need probably four times as many if I actually wanted to do something productive with them… such as make preserves. I suppose that’ll work though, they need to be moved anyway. The six or so strawberry plants from last year have fairly well taken over the veggie garden, thus, yes, you guessed it… more grass will need to be torn up, ammended and all that fun stuff. Thankfully for the strawberries there isn’t a terrible hurry, I’ll probably move them in the fall. This has me considering moving the whole veggie area to the side yard… I’m not sure enough about the daylight though, it could be problematic with the house possibly shading the area. I’ll just need to pay attention to the sun patterns… if it looks okay, then I’ll probably get that started in the fall too.
I was showing Zilla a photo of my rose garden the other day and mentioning how wonderful it is to go out there with coffee and cigarettes, and relax on the bench, with Justin. He remarked that it seemed like a great way to spend the holiday… I suppose that was Memorial Day. Tonight was especially amazing, to the point that I really wished he (Justin) had been here… all the baby lightning bugs were out, the air was sparkling! Add in the cooler air thanks to the sun setting and all of the birds sending their calls through the trees, it was nearly perfect.
I so very look forward to later in the summer when the perennials we’d planted get a bit more mature and hopefully start flowering. The foxgloves have just finished, the roses (some of them) are finishing out their first flush, while some of the others are just starting. I think that timing will work nicely, should (hopefully) prove to provide blooms pretty much consistently throughout the summer and early fall.
Today’s observations: There’s a tiny little tomato forming on one of the Roma bushes, there are a few tiny buds on the Dahlias, the yellow lily in the front has started blooming, two of the new lilies in the back are blooming now; the coneflowers have little buds on them, the ‘Fragrant Treasure’ Daylilies have started blooming, even the ‘Sum & Substance’ Hosta have started to bloom. I’m still waiting for ‘Tiffany’ to bloom, one of the newly planted roses this year, along with ‘Graham Thomas,’ ‘The Prince,’ and ‘Pat Austin’ as well. Hopefully the ‘Tiffany’ will actually be as labeled… my ‘Chicago Peace’ isn’t.. but maybe just a ‘Peace’ but that is still questionable; my ‘Sterling Silver’ appears to be a ‘Joseph’s Coat’ …but that’s still undetermined too. I’m not worried about the others because they actually came from a decently reputable company, versus being bodybags at Walmart.
I’ll definitely need to have a garden party of some sort this summer… hopefully with the correct timing to catch the roses & summer blooming perennials in bloom… it would be lovely.
