you know what my greatest wish is?
to be “average”
i’d give up anything.
i’ve blocked 93% of the names on my contact list for AIM and ICQ…. just as an FYI.
he spends his nights in california
watching the stars on the big screen
then he lies awake and he wonders
“why can’t that be me”
is his life he’s filled with all thes good intentions
he’s left a lot of things he’d rather not mention right now
just before he says goodnight he looks up with a lil smile at me
and he says
“if i could be like that,
i woudl give anything to live one day in those shoes,
if i could be like that what would i do…”
(three doors down-be like that)
it terrifies me how close i come to counting out pills. i really feel worthless… things only seem to get worse… every moment, i can’t seem to be able to continue seeing any sort of brilliant hope… i have no one i can spend time with, i have no motivation to work for money, because i soon will have no reason for a car, or a phone for that matter. i need money for my webspace i suppose… but if i continue to feel so worthless why should i bother waking up..? i’ve noticed i sleep more and more… because waking time is completely pointless these days even… my dad had said to me the other day that if i need to kill myself to feel better that i should do it outside…
i’ve been wondering the effects of taking a handful of my meds… i can cry now without having to be intoxicated…
i don’t want to hear or read the word “love” directed at me anymore, i don’t believe it.