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Sometimes I feel that I’m not expressing how much I care for davey in a deep enough way, though there’s not very much I can do about it right now, unfortunately.

We have a mutual concern about our visit together in August, making sure it doesn’t turn into a messy situation with his mom mostly… I want to see him, spend time with him, more than words can express, but I don’t want to be responsible for ill feelings between him and his family. I’ve said that before of course, but it still applies. I want to be able to say, and be kind of selfish about it, that I don’t care what he has to do, I want him to be here for his birthday… but I can’t… because I know that whatever he does… he’s going to have to face it when he goes back that sunday night. I guess a part of me does feel that way though… because I want to see him so badly… I want to kiss those lovely lips, and hold him in my arms all night… I’m sure we’ll work it out though…. I say that, so that it becomes true of course… or to convince myself that it’s true… to remove any doubt.

I want to be his knight… sort of like in a fairy tale… come in on my white horse and whisk him off to camelot… I suppose that it’ll be sort of like that eventually…

I bought a pair of 8mm dark blue acrylic claws… and a pair of 8mm clear acrylic plugs for my ears just now… so that I will have stretched my lobes to “1″ (zero gauge) by august.