indiboi.com

I’m back from the Ohio adventure. The drive back was pleasant… a little sad, but I suppose that’s to be expected. I had plenty of time to… organize… my thoughts. I was incredibly depressed lastnight… the kind of depressed when you’re already unhappy for no real known reason and stuff just sort of piles up…. so I was really angry lastnight when I wrote some of the things I wrote… and not really directly angry at anyone in particular. So, the point of that is that I’ve removed it… stuck it over in my private and unpublished entries.

I was in so much culture shock over the weekend, it’s hilarious really. Whenever I don’t know people I become even more antisocial and snobbish than normal… I think it finally normalized this morning. I woke up just so much happier than I had been the night before. It doesn’t make any sense, but it really does reflect on my… err, need to continue with.. everything.

So yeah, I had my first vacation ever since starting the hosting company… the first (through third) night away from my house in that period of years… and I spent that time with someone amazing, my dear friend DaVe. The whole experience was surreal on so many levels…

Anyway, for anyone that had the misfortune of reading my entry prior to this one, prior to me getting rid of it… I put myself through this… because it’s difficult, because I know that it makes me a better person ultimately. I’d rather deal with the pain than push it aside. I drive myself very hard… perhaps too much so, but… I just don’t want to ultimately think back and know that I didn’t put my best effort into whatever it is.

Ultimately, I’m very glad that I finally went and spent some time up there with him… it just never really worked out before. I have a whole new and seemingly more complete perspective of… everything now. A little of the candy coating has worn off… I guess that’s sort of part of the culture shock experienced. There are a lot of things that I need to work on, that I’ve been working on, but so much has revealed itself this past weekend. I won’t lie, because I did have the urge to flee… more than once, actually, but… you know, it would be a disservice to everyone, including myself. …more of an attempt to be social and… provide a little slack in the standards that I set for people.