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I set these plans for the bedroom in motion, at least the timing, somewhat based on other factors than my own. I guess it is just the desire to actually get something in motion, versus waiting around… I just need to do something that sets foundation for a future.

I don’t know what it is really, I’m just feeling this general doubt and hopelessness lately… I just need to drill it into my head that eventually things will get to where they should be… and even if it is going to be just me sleeping down there for a while, longer than I was thinking perhaps, it’ll still be a great bed in a great bedroom, heh. I just need to accept that sometimes it’s okay to do things for myself, the thing about it is, I’d probably not do something like that for just me — since I hadn’t.

I put up the curtains in the corners Wednesday night, bought a set of lamps (great deal, $20 for a table, floor, and clipon), and I also trimmed the carpet. Yesterday (Thursday) I spent a good portion of the day cleaning up and organizing the non-sleeping area portion of the room. I hit my goal of having the room ready for the bed though, even if it isn’t completely ready. I went shopping this morning for an air conditioner… it will completely blow out my money reserve, which of course was getting pretty low after buying the bed, but it seems silly for it to be too warm down there after spending so much money on the bed and effort on getting the room ready. Of course neither the Chambersburg, nor Hagerstown Walmart had any AC’s… wtf?

It’s sad, because I find it difficult to believe the things I say to others… when they apply to me. Or maybe I believe the idea, but don’t have enough faith in it? Doubt has a way of overwhelming everything. ‘We both need to do the things that get us to where we need to be… ‘ I wish I could remember what I said, because it really is the truth.

I just think it’s important to realize, both for myself and others, that I’m just plain ol’ grumpy lately. I guess it comes from so much uncertainty… I just don’t really deal well with so many course changes, and I don’t like setting one myself either… but that’s what I have to do, but balance it just enough that I can pick up a passenger and then we can still get to where we’re both going, together.