indiboi.com

Of three disgruntling issues for Cole the lack of Indi is one of them. Indeed, the lack of Cole is quite high on my personal disgruntling issues, so it seems like we’re pretty even when it comes to missing each other. I certainly know that our sometimes brief phone conversations in the morning and evening are highlights of my day, because it reminds me so much of when we’re together. So we definitely do need to do something about this… so far this is the longest we’ve been apart all summer, the feeling of wanting him around is growing increasingly stronger as time passes.

My thinking is that I will prepare as much as possible… for him being here, which includes finally upgrading the bed, getting the room downstairs ready; all of these things hold value for either when he’s here long-term or short-term.

I absolutely hate it when my pessimism proves to be true… Apparently the store is not as satisfying as previously thought… I had considerable reservations regarding it… but I’m certainly not one to hold someone back out of that kind of fear… at least I try not to be, emphasis on try. As I said yesterday morning neither choice is permanent, be that staying in Ohio or coming here… we (in general) need to pursue our dreams… the courses of action that appear to be the best ones. That’s one thing that I worry and hold concern for.

Then there is the subject of ex-boyfriends. We both have them, we both love them, we both recognize that they’ve disrepected and mistreated us, yet we both still want to be with them. Only in my case the idea is beyond any level of reason. I guess my reactions and concerns are more pavlovian, I tend to want to avoid being repeatedly burned… I know these people are poison to our hearts and souls… We may love them, but they certainly cannot love us if they’re capable of causing so much pain. It’s also clear to me that very few really know what love is really all about… it goes straight back to something I wrote a year ago today… you’re either with me, or you’re not.

We tend to do things to that are counterproductive to our health and well-being, I’m just as guilty as anyone else too. The problem comes in because that fine line between positive escape (and I really do believe such a thing exists) and negative escape is often so blurry.

Alright, picture this… I’m wandering around the linens section of Hecht’s (which is like Macy’s for those not familiar with it, but just a teensy bit less upscale — and we all know how much I adore Macy’s), trying to find some sort of comforter that’ll work nicely in a blue room on a queen bed (and yes, it’s a queen bed even when Cole isn’t on it, mwwahahaha). I had looked around at Target for a while and found absolutely nothing that was in the least bit tempting… I didn’t really find anything too amazing at Hecht’s either until I started thinking about the conversation about bedding that Stephen and I had today… hmmm… goosedown comforters… so I started looking for those, AHHA! Ralph Lauren… 300 thread count 100% cotton cover, 40oz white goosedown… *gasp* $310… One day sale… today! $140!!! I couldn’t pass up a deal like that… even though that’s still a lot to pay, words cannot describe how amazing it feels (and looks). It should last a very long time too… Of course that was the same justification I used when I bought my leather pants at half off, haha. I also bought a set of Wamsutta 300 thread count 100% Cotton sheets…(they’re a delightful blue) at the Wamsutta/Springmaid outlet of course, lol. I’m a hedonist, I need to have comfortable bedding… plus I have totally spoiled myself by buying those RL sheets at Macy’s earlier in the year — even more so after buying the 300 thread count sheets for this bed that one day Cole and I went to the outlets.

You know what I don’t have? The bed! At least now I have very good reason to go ahead and get it. I also bought a gallon of primer and some paint rollers, so I now have everything I need to get the downstairs bedroom setup and ready for when I do get the bed. I remembered that I have a blue/grey mix rug that is almost as big as that half of the room, so even if the new carpet plan doesn’t materialize, it’ll (the UGLY orange carpet) be sufficiently covered up.

This stuff, and particularly the bed, will take me well below my “financial threshold” that I had set quite a while back… I guess I can make an exception for myself since a bed is kind of like a “capital expenditure” of sorts…. I’ll just need to severely curtail the spending after I get it for a while.

“He was part of my dream, of course — but then I was part of his dream too.”

— Lewis Carroll

Sleeping is always better if I talk to Cole beforehand, particularly if we’re getting ready for bed on the phone together. There’s just that similar feeling of warmth, safety, and quite frankly the feeling of being loved that sort of envelops the experience like when we’re actually together. It’s just nice.

Similar, the day always seems to have a better tone to it if we start the day talking to each other, like this morning he phoned me around 8:30, was even brushing his teeth while on the phone with me, lol. Even if it’s online, the day just doesn’t seem to start with the same vigor if we don’t check in with each other, or I don’t hear from him in some way. I think some of my frustration with schedules and not “coordinating” lately has come through a bit unexpectedly, but you know, he’s proven that my ’standards’ are worth having, because he meets them and often exceeds them. Indeed, there are frustrations, but they’re usually compensated for quite nicely. The irony is that realizing how good a friend like this can be has allowed me to realize just how craptastic Davey was as a boyfriend; he just didn’t make the effort… the effort that shouldn’t even feel like effort.

I was thinking lastnight, even though I’d really like Cole to be here, or me there… for basically the same reasons as above, I’m glad that Justin is around up there. Even if that boy is incredibly socially innapropriate (barking like a dog loudly at the mall is a great example), it just makes me feel better that somebody is there with Cole, and that it’s clear that he isn’t there for purely personal gain (which seems to be fairly common, unfortunately). I guess it all comes from me still being worried and concerned, for a variety of reasons.

After my cheapie scale decided that it wasn’t going to weigh anything heavier than a few ounces the other night (it seems fine now, but that was a major annoyance), I bit the bullet and bought an Escali 6KG scale yesterday. It should be actually accurate to 1g which will make the lotion experience a bit more reliable to the point I’m not worried about wrong weights.

I tested the Lavender Castille soap the other day too, wow, nice lather and great scent! I have also made two attempts at a “salt scrub soap” for Cole… the first bombed because the salt dissolved (although it still looks very cool) and the second might just be a winner, or at least second place. For the second try I used a “natural” melt & pour base from SFIC (none of those evil synthetic detergents like most other m&p bases)… it’s a layer of ’salty’ m&p soap over a base of hot processed soap. I’m going to probably give that soap a try tonight.

My Ginger & Lime lotion (with apricot kernel oil) is quite wonderful, I do like it a bit better than the sunflower remix lotions, as it’s lighter and a bit quicker to penetrate the skin… although it does leave a bit of a ’shimmer’ which is probably not so great for guys.

I also made an attempt just an hour or so ago at a facial cream… I’m not sure it’s going to be thick enough, but it does have lovely oils like ricebran, grapeseed, avocado, rosehip, & macadamia nut, whooo. I scented it with a Lavender & Vetiver EO Blend.

I think my next soap is going to be using that Ginger & Lime frangrace, swirled green and orange, with a scattering of kelp granules for exfoliation.

Zilla received my soaps the other day and had high praise for them, which was quite nice, including equating the shaving soap to a religious experience, yay! Cole agrees that the shaving soap is like that, haha. Of course the newest shaving soap, made with coconut milk, is even better!

Lavender Castille:

Salt Scrub Soap CP Method:

Salt Scrub HP/MP Method: