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I’ve fallen victim to incredibly bad planning, well… I’d say more like being too optimistic with the planning. Anyway, I get two main “paychecks” a month from credit card transactions, they had been fairly consistent, about the same amount each time or at least both sizeable enough that I didn’t need to worry. The 1st of the month “paycheck” was somewhat small in comparision to what it normally would be, but I didn’t really think about that, kind of just thought it to be a fluke. I suppose this means I’ve not really been paying attention to how things have been gradually moving to the middle of the month versus end/beginning. It’s also clear that I wasn’t paying attention to just how much money I was actually spending and the implications.

I’m sitting here staring at the screen looking at the amount the check will probably be near when it’s issued in a few days and I have this sort of panic happening. It’s only half of the last one I thought was fairly small… and then I look at my other accounts and that panic just grows a bit bigger. I’m really having a struggle with clients making their payments… which while usually quite annoying, not a terrible problem — it’s especially annoying right now.

I also usually follow a little rule I setup a while back, and I know I’ve talked about before, about keeping a minimum (as in very large) balance in my savings account at all times… I really got into a spiral over the last month or so… I did A LOT of spending, of a LOT of money, over a very short period of time. The only redeeming factor is that most everything I purchased is a permanent feature, versus blowing my money on food, alcohol, drugs, or… really all of those sorts of things that tend to get people into financial turmoil. This all brings me to the point that I totally broke that rule and essentially drained the account this month.

This isn’t a total disaster, but… it still really gets me worrying. This is my ‘lesson-learned’ that I really need to not do the “paycheck to paycheck” lifestyle by basically counting on money that I’m yet to receive to pay for my obligations. This is the first time in… hmmm, at least a year, that I have done that, and it really came back to bite me.

Granted, my obligations aren’t particularly due until toward the middle of the month, but they’re still technically due prior to that second “paycheck” actually arrives. I should be fine, this should work itself out, and if need be, I’ve established enough of a good history with some of my “creditors” that I should be able to push back the due date if I really and truly need to. The discomfort comes in because right now I just don’t have the money I really should have. And because so much of my income is dependent on others making their payments in a timely manner, and they’re certainly subject to the same sort of bad planning as I am, it brings another level of unease.

Oh well, some of those things I purchased were the sort that if I didn’t just do it [buy them], that I probably wouldn’t… and overall my quality of life has increased as a result, and considering how it tends to be fairly low on the average scale, I guess it’s all worth it. I still have a lot of…. errm, near regret in regards to the bed… in the sense that I should have waited, but then again… I’ve been waiting, and waiting… Anyone reading this journal for any period of time will know that I have complained countless times about how I needed a bigger bed… or at least a new one, and given the small difference in price (relatively) between a twin and a queen, it wouldn’t have made any sense in getting another twin. See, I’m still trying to justify the whole thing…

I guess it’s one of those facets of a sort of compulsive/obsessive/manic personality… I think I need to lock up the money in some sort of account I can’t instantly transfer money out of… the savings account thing was a lot easier when I didn’t have a visa debit card, lol.