indiboi.com

Perhaps there is no accounting for taste, literally. I used my French Press lastnight to make coffee for brother Matt and mum, and they were rather disgusted at the bitterness of the coffee — all the while I thought it was probably the best coffee I’ve had in a very long time. It’s just like with wine, cheese, tea, etc… unless one has developed a ‘taste’ for it, they won’t like it… ‘contaminating’ it with sugar, creamer, etc, etc… heh. I guess with the coffee from the French Press, well, it’s more like espresso than it is coffee, anyway, enough of that little bit of snobbery.

Brother Matt brought a bottle of wine yesterday, slightly surprising. I did have to laugh a bit when I saw it was vinted in 2002, hehe. ;-)

I apparently screwed up on what I got Louise and David though… I kept thinking that they were all about Backgammon, but it turns out that the game they were always playing was Othello, whoops! Oh well, heh, they have a very nice Backgammon set now though, heh.

Without regard to my efforts, last night was quite uneventful… disappointingly so, oh well. I finished the bottle of wine Matt brought over and the bottle I’d opened the night before, watched “Door to Door” on TNT and went to sleep.

I still feel a little ripped off because I wasn’t able to get the SSL cert for $25, but the nice side effect of still going with Geotrust anyway was that I was able to get an extra month, so no more of this renewing the day after x-mess shit again. The new process is a bit different than what I’d gone through last year, now you have to receive an automated phone call and enter this code they give you during the ’signup’ procedure. OH well, at least it’s all taken care of, switching the Apache & CPanel certs was a fairly painless process.

I was really tempted to save $30 and go with ‘chained SSL’ but, err, it just seemed too cheap.. the Geotrust certs are on the Equifax root, and they’re rather well known, I suppose, and even though I don’t accept CC information directly as of now, perhaps sometime in 2004 I will, so it sort of made sense to just renew, although as I mentioned, renewing directly with Geotrust through their partner program was more than twice as much as going through ev1, kinda pathetic really, but you do what you have to.

I must remember to not sleep on the couch because I’m too drunk to make it downstairs to my lovely bed! My neck aches quite terribly from what I gather to be that time sleeping on the couch, d’oh.

An oddity this morning was that Matthew (not my brother) called, he mentioned being off this weekend and asked me to do something with him and from what I gather some friends of his, saying he’d called again either Saturday morning or evening. I had put this thought into my head that the next time he’d call I’d just let it go to voicemail, but I was just a bit too surprised to see that it was him calling at 9:30 on this day. Anyway, I said “probably” and basically left it at ‘we’ll see how it goes’ because, well, I have about as much faith in him as my ability to pick up a house and carry it to another city.

Mostly though, I’d really like to spend some time with JayPea, I sent him a text message a little bit ago letting him know that he’s welcome to come here this evening (in response to seeing a bit earlier that he wanted to go somewhere tonight). I don’t have all that much faith in that either, but oh well, I’m trying at least right? I really hate the whole me being single thing when my brothers are here with their girlfriends (or soon to be wives for that matter)…. especially when I was, in theory, so close before to being in a relatively similar situation myself.

Being passed out on the couch from drinking wine that tasted all too much like grape juice was my brilliant excuse for not helping carry in the fifty thousand pounds of xmess stuff from the car, I mean, I did carry it from the store to the car, that was enough for me, heh! Actually, the fact it tasted like grape juice was my ‘to mom’ reason that I was drunk in the first place… I really didn’t intend to drink the whole damned bottle, but.. uhm.. it just happened. I have to say though that it did feel pretty damned good, which is probably why I really try to avoid drinking, because, well… when something feels good like that the natural progression is to keep doing it.

There’s probably a ‘what’s the big deal?’ sort of sentiment when I mentioned drinking, but the big deal is that I used to spend every single night drunk since it is the easiest [legal] way to not deal with life, and I really don’t want to be ‘a drunk’ ever again.

Well, uhm… I decided that it wouldn’t be too bad to have a glass of wine.

I remembered that almost a month ago I’d put a bottle of this ‘regional’ wine into the refrigerator that my aunt had given me, and I figured why not go ahead and open it and have a glass?

Uhm, well… the bottle is empty now. I knew I was on very well my way to being drunk before finishing the last glass, and for some reason I went ahead and opened the second bottle and it’s just about half empty.

So here I am, quite very drunk and listening to Dave Matthews Band quite loudly, heh…

So, yeah, I’m half clueless when it comes to dealing with people and relationships if it extends beyond anything basic. I suppose most of it comes from how so many of these ‘relationships’ just shatter out of nowhere.

Anyway, the prompt for writing this is that it feels a little bit like JayPea is avoiding me. Actually saying that I think that is a bit more than premature, but it still comes to mind. I’m so cynical, and I don’t particularly want to be, but then here I am, trying to essentially make up for being so … lackadaisical about seeing him, and it seems like I’ve screwed up. I mean, it’s entirely possible that he’s just busy or more likely he’s still pissed off about whatever he was pissed off about lastnight/this morning. I’d called him lastnight and asked him, basically, what was wrong and he said that he couldn’t talk about it right then and that he’d call me later, but he didn’t. Maybe I’m too impatient, I just don’t know. I phoned him after he’d gone into away (his message said that he was “touring” and then working from 5-9), but I got his voicemail.

I mean, we used to talk everyday, and then I guess in a way he probably sort of gave up on me, and then I finally meet him and I discover that I was basically being an idiot by not just going to meet him. I actually regret being so slow about meeting him, but I think I had sufficiently good reasons, or at least, that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself until I believe it.

Oi, I just don’t know… and I keep saying that perhaps thinking that somehow it’ll magically come to me, but, uhh, it isn’t going to. I want this to work… very much so.