indiboi.com

I keep meaning to write about the past weekend (Valentine’s Day and the like), but I’m having this horrid stress/muscle tension headache issue that has progressed down my back. I also still have a bit of an upset stomach, of course I’ve not really been eating well either, so that doesn’t help. I started to feel a bit ill on Sunday night, but blamed the stomach weirdness on taking regular (non-coated) Excedrin to help aleviate the muscle tension headache that started then, but considering how it’s lingering all the way until now, Wednesday morning, I doubt that’s the cause. This whole headache ordeal has progressed to migraine levels, ergh.

I know, it’s been six months since I’ve posted anything to Artlikepornstars, my photography/art site, but I finally have new stuff worth posting. :-) Galleries 20,21, & 22 are now up, even though they only have about three photos each in them, I think they’re all quite good… though of course the usual bias may be there; you know my thing about ‘beautiful people’ in my life, hehe.

I’ve been feeling this strange sort of need to reconnect with people lately, there are rather a lot of people I’ve lost touch with for various reasons; people that deep down I really care for. In some cases I guess I just want to find out and make sure that they’re doing alright, not that I have any particular reason to worry about any of them, but it’s just one of those things. I suppose some I’d like to be able to spend time with again, even though, realistically, they are scattered around the country… and world for that matter.

I’m going to oppose this being anything other than a coicindence, with my writing about people on this particular Hallmark Holiday. I suppose though that it isn’t coincidental, because in some ways, I’d probably still be in that coma I called life last year if it weren’t for meeting Patrick. I know I’d probably have just given up again… because I was trying, at the end of last year, and failing rather miserably too for that matter. I guess that’s when I discovered that I’d somehow failed to learn how to date… or basically that my style is considerably different from the ‘average’ out there. It’s just nice to not feel or be made to feel extremely unusual in the sense of being eccentric.

I’m on a mission though, to fix all the things that have broken over the past couple of years… I talked to Wayne… Thad popped up out of nowhere this morning, and I’m still talking to him (instead of sleeping like I should be, sorry Patrick, I’ll be a zombie today, probably… I hope not…).

Beware when gentoo wants to emerge a new base layout. There were a billion files that etc-update wanted to update, so I carefully picked through, thankfully, but it still fucked up things in a major way. It obliterated my group file, it changed the networking totally, and it also wacked away my default X session so I had twm as my window manager.. grah! Oh, and it wiped out my autoload modules too… grrrr…!

Of course I’d been chugging along blissfully unaware that there was basically a time bomb ticking for my next reboot. I’d gone into that horrorshow that is windows to work on some stuff that unfortunately only really works in windows, was getting ready to leave for Patrick’s around midnight and decided to reboot to Linux to check on email and such… that was of course when the lovely surprise of a virtually dead system hit me. For the first time in… …ever(?) I decided that a real person was more important than fixing a computer problem and went to see him and left my poor Escher sitting powered down, heh.

I finally have it working properly, only took about an hour and a half of manually rewriting config files. I’m not 100% sure that things are correct, but I have networking, internet, sound, and… basically everything important, so all good, I think.

I’m very conservative, those that know me fully understand that. The twist is that I’m conversative from my point of view, which is quite the opposite from the the typical conservative ideas. In most simple of terms I’m heterophobic, but not in terms of being scared of heterosexuals, I just consider them, well… ordinary and otherwise unimportant to me, they’re a dime a dozen.

I’v never been one to be ‘discreet’ in terms of hiding my affection for whomever I’m with, but I’ve found myself doing just that recently as a matter of respect for the occasion. The sort of passive intolerance which leads to necessity of being ‘discreet’ just feeds my own intolerance.

That’s the background, perhaps… along with how I hold a great deal of importance in the general concept of respect which is why I’ll temper my own desires if the situation calls for it, though rarely many do.

There’s always been this duality, for as long as I can remember at least. With me, the time to make of up for a wrong doing is always before I react to it. The benefit is that I generally give a great allowance of time… enough rope for someone to hang themselves rather completely. The idea is that if someone is worth the trouble they’ll realize in the interim that something is wrong and will do something about it. The cold fact is that straight guys are the worst with this, women certainly complain about their oblivious boyfriends/husbands, etc, enough to confirm it without doubt. Point being, if you’ve disrespected me and you’ve done nothing to fix it until after I’ve ‘come down’ on you, then it’s way too late to fix it. My mind has been made up, no number of emails, phone calls, and the like will change how I feel, you’ve been cast off. There are no second chances with me. If you’re sorry now, then you shouldn’t have done it in the first place, because if you’d have thought about it properly you wouldn’t be in this situation anyway.