indiboi.com

Many things have happened in the last two weeks and considering I’ve been concentrating on living life versus writing about it, I haven’t written.

Last week I went to pick Jon up for the first time since he’d been in Mexico, which meant that I hadn’t seen him in nearly two months. I was partially dreading the thought because while he was away I’d slowly forgotton the reasons that I enjoy spending time with him, plus it was the whole ‘feeling used’ issue because the main reason was to fix his computer. Before we even reached my house I stopped by the beer distributor and picked up a case of hard cider… I was out of beer and was in the mood for it, so why not, right?

He was very interested in using p2p on my workstation computer and I just sort of sat there; in a moment of utter boredom I grabbed my cellphone and called Matthew. Matthew being the boy I’d been enamored with after having a drink (two if you count him returning here later) with way back in early autumn. Nothing much ever happened with him, but since Patrick’s party (which he didn’t attend) we’ve been generally in touch occasionally… he did call me randomly a couple of times too.

I asked Matthew what he was doing that night, amazingly enough he was free and considering we were talking of our gardens I invited him over. Jon wanted to stop by Lowes to see if they had any little palm trees (quite random), so when I called Matthew again to tell him when we’d be back, he asked us to stop by his place. We did, after he gave the most complicated directions ever for such an easy place to find, lol. He gave us a tour of his gardens, quite nice, all the while Jon appearing totally glazed over from total non-interest, which too was amusing. Earlier in the day I’d walked out to my rose garden and sort of asked Jon to come with me… he did, stopping about 15 feet away from me though, heh, like he was afraid of the plants. Anyway, after walking around Matthew’s place he followed us back over to my house, but by that time it was pretty dark, heh.

Jon found the comfortable spot between my chair and computer upon return and I took Matthew out for a walk around everywhere… seeing everything in the dim twilight pretty much, hehe. We stood out there for the longest time… to the point my mother came out to check on us (I think she was worried about Jon being left basically unattended — I feel like I have to remind her that even though he looks like a twelve year old boy he’s actually twenty-one, hehe.) Eventually we did come in though, I set Jon up with a cider and mixed up gin & tonics for Matthew and myself. Jon wanted to watch “A Clockwork Orange” and, well, we did… though by the time the gin & tonics started to take effect (we only had two each, though there was more than half the bottle missing, oops) our interest in the movie quickly waned. I think Jon was using my laptop during the movie anyway. I do remember grabbing Matthew’s hand and leading him up to my office, heh… “let’s look at my orchids!” or something, yeah.

All three of us eventually ended up back in the office, with Jon sitting at my computer, Matthew on a box of paint (lol) and me on the end of the (office) bed (though it’s more like a pile of junk). I can say without any doubt that Matthew and I were quite drunk, and I assume Jon was pleasantly intoxicated as well… he’s such a two beer queer, rather convenient in the financial sense actually… and in other ways. As to be expected when you have three hot gay boys in the same room the sexual tension builds up ever so slightly, ahhaha, yes, damnit, I’m hot too! Of course, both Jon and I are involved with other people not present, nor are we quite that slutty, but still… Matthew was busy trying to ‘molest’ Jon, though nothing serious, lol… all in good fun truly. Matthew and I were cuddled up most of that period of time anyway. I would have called it boyfriend safe, but I don’t think I could honestly… because as I’ve always said it was about intentions. I didn’t feel bad about it, but I was considerably drunk and with someone I’d known for at least twice as long as I’ve known Patrick.

Eventually, I think somewhere around 4AM Matthew made the decision to go home… he seemed fine, but I did ask him if he was alright to drive anyway, just because I felt a little “odd” still, but not really enough to be worried. We had our, at this point, characteristic hugging and kissing of each other’s cheeks out front… actually I don’t know if that’s true and I’m too lazy to look if I’d written about that all those months ago, but anyway… carefully avoiding actually kissing each other as that would have been of a questionably inappropriate nature considering everything.

I guess it’s confusing for some to understand how something can be okay with one person, but the same thing wouldn’t be with another, or maybe it’s perfectly understandable. I find it perfectly acceptable to show ‘friendly’ affection toward someone, or likewise receive it, when there are no intentions on either side of it being anything ‘romantic’ in nature… but if it would be of a romantic nature it is automatically not “boyfriend safe” and as such with certain people it’s automatically so.

Jon and I finished watching “A Clockwork Orange” …the fifteen or so minutes of it that were left, and headed to sleep after I was reminded by him to “behave” as usual, lol… of course whenever I’m told to behave I don’t, totally a reverse psychology thing; so I grab him and pull him over to me, so cute, right? Haha, probably not.

I woke up the next morning in a slight panic, because we’d ordered his hard drive, and of course as I wrote in the previous entry I answered the door in my underwear… not particularly underwear that you’d want a total stranger to see, lol.

I was just thinking, oh my, did we eat? I remember now though that we did, heh, the woman had made ham & yams with marshmallows on them (a first for us, Jon too apparently), that was extremely yummy, lol.

Tuesday evening, after we finished the iBook repair, I suppose Patrick thought I was taking Jon home, but I’m certain that I told him it’d be Wednesday that I took him home, none the less he wanted to come down UNTIL I told him that Jon was still with me and then said something to the effect that it wasn’t worth his time to see me in that case. I was highly offended, yes, I understand that it is less than ideal to drive down and back without spending the night, but I’ve done that on many occasions and thought it would be nice to have two of my favorite people together… sort of like celebrating. I had several conclusions I could draw, the simple travel issue which didn’t sit well with me because I do it; I also could draw the conclusion that he wasn’t coming down because of Jon being there, which didn’t sit well either… of course that he wasn’t coming down because he couldn’t spend the night, which to me automatically meant because he wasn’t going to be getting any of the ol’ in out, in out, even though I knew that sort of conclusion was a bit ridiculous even at the time. I was just angry, but I let it go that evening… though I know I wasn’t happy about it. [More on this later.]

I decided to give Matthew a call just to make sure he made it home alright, heh, apparently he probably should have come back like he mentioned he might, hehe, but overall his day worked out okay, but he was heading to sleep pretty much as soon as we got off the phone. He wasn’t there when I called, but he did call me back just a few minutes later, just missed him apparently.

Jon and I ventured out to walmart sometime in the middle of the night for food, and mainly because he just wanted to go, heh. I was already feeling quite tired, but it was still fun. We ended up getting a fancy pizza in the freezer section and having that while drinking more cider.

Sometime on Wednesday I eventually took him home, on the way back I had this sort of glow of happiness. I had managed to forgot how annoyed I was with Patrick at least for a while, but eventually it started to wear on me and as I sat here my anger started coming to a head. I then found out that I had to help my brother Matt move on Saturday which eliminated the possibility, in my mind, of Patrick coming down like he’d planned. In a moment of passive agressive distaste I sent him a text message along the lines that if it wasn’t worth his time to come on Tuesday, it wouldn’t be worth his time to come on Friday either. I had enough at that very moment, and didn’t want to talk to him at all.

I did though… on his third call. I realized I was doing to him what Davey had done to me and I couldn’t let that continue. We talked, but it didn’t seem like what I had to say was getting through, and I suppose in retrospect he probably felt similarly… at least I would soon know that to be true.