indiboi.com

I actually slept alone in my own bed Thursday night, though sleep is almost too strong a word for it, since I really don’t think I truly slept… I couldn’t after all that. *sigh*

So, along with that I was ‘informed’ I’d be taking my sister-in-law to Philly Friday. I already had plans with Matthew, but that didn’t seem to matter to anyone really, along with plans for seeing Patrick on Saturday. I knew Patrick had plans that didn’t particularly include me, not sure really, I think he might have invited me and I declined or something, I just don’t remember.

So, Friday afternoon I contemplate taking my overnight bag with me, but decide I’d be coming home anyway so it wouldn’t matter. I had considered just staying in Philly because I’d probably not get a chance to meet up to see Matthew anyway, but I just kinda wanted to be home instead.

Since Matthew had called me earlier that day while we were on the way, and I told him about being in Philly, I basically needed to just go with the flow of things and let both him and Patrick know later on what I was doing. He had mentioned he was going to basically say “this is what we’re doing tonight, you don’t have a choice.” Of course my immediately telling him that I was in Philly blew that little plan of his, lol.

Tiffany and I got to Philly safely and without incident, turns out my brother was still working, so it’d be a while before he’d be back, I decided to get on my way. It was around seven or so that evening when I was on the turnpike. I started making my calls, and I decided to just meet Matthew at the Velvet Rope whenever I’d get there, with him supposing he’d be there with his friends around ten or so. I remembered that was where Patrick was going to be too, so it turned out to be the perfect way to introduce both of them and their respective friends.

Unfortunately about a half hour outside of Philly I reach behind me to get my “detachable man sack” and find it isn’t with me in the car. I call Tiffany and surprisingly I left it at their townhouse, fuck. I was right next to an exit so I turned around, adding another hour to my trip. I guess ultimately it worked out, because I got to where we were all meeting in York about two minutes before Matthew and his friends did anyway. I would have been overly early if I hadn’t left my bag in Philly.

I knew I was in a bad mood all day, but it didn’t register as meaning I was being very anti-social until I actually saw Matthew and was kind of like …”bleh…” not because of him, but… just because, it was kind of like “wait, Indi, you want to just go home and sulk.” It was a bit too late to act on that realization though, heh. I just need to remember that alcohol fixes everything, hah… sort of. I think I just really, really needed to be with people that liked me, that I could be completely comfortable with, and have a great time with…. and get trashed.

I stood behind everybody at the bar as they were ordering drinks… I guess I was trying to make a decision as to if I was just going to be ‘there’ or if I was going to allow my overwhelming urge to drink take control. I knew I’d have a place to crash if I couldn’t drive home, with Matthew at Kate & Jill’s, but also Patrick would be there and I could go with him too. So, I said, screw it… I’m getting trashed, and I ordered a Grateful Dead.

It’s either the alcohol finally starting to take effect by the time Patrick arrived, which I’d say was maybe 40 minutes later, or simply the fact that he arrived, either way, by then I was starting to have fun. Matthew and Patrick seemed to get along with each other well, thankfully… and really, I mean that! HAHA! Considering the… uhm… problems that have occured anytime I either meet a friend of one of my friends, or they meet a friend of mine, it was incredibly nice for two people I like to get along with each other!

I’m attributing not having a whole lot of fun when going out with Patrick to the fact that I usually don’t know anyone else, so whenever he goes off to talk to people I’m just sort of.. ‘there’ basically alone. I think it has something to do with the different styles the two of us have also… while I’m not saying he wanders off and leaves me alone, it’s still uncomfortable. I tend to grab somebody’s hand and drag them along with me if I want them to meet someone, lol… it’s that whole “I want you with me!” thing perhaps. Regardless though, Friday night was very fun… all of us had various groups of people we could go talk with, I’d spend time with Patrick alone, with his friends, with Matthew alone, with his friends, etc. It was a dramatic shift in toward how I felt about that particular place, the Velvet Rope, from back in January when I barely even knew Patrick. I absolutely hated being there, enough to basically never want to go back… oddly enough now I actually want to go again, hmm.

Patrick, Matthew, and I were at the bar, where I was trying to decide which drink to order, when Angie came in. I was like “this girl is FABULOUS!” to Matthew, lol, and as soon as she came around the bar over to where we were she was basically jumped upon, haha. I’m not sure, but that was probably the most excited meeting someone new I’ve seen in about forever, I know she was utterly taken aback. Later on, apparently, she was like ‘Uhmm… do I know him?’ as if they’d met and had a great time in the past somewhere, to which Patrick explained what I did to cause that, lol. It really was a priceless moment.

It was just really fun to be grabbed away to go talk with someone, or do the same… to have the ability to migrate either alone or with others to random groups of people we knew scattered about the place. I had just bought my third drink when Matthew pulled me away somewhere, I put it down on the table where everybody had their drinks…. when I got back to it, well, it was gone! I was so annoyed, lol, I figured someone stole my drink. Turns out that Jill, I think, had picked it up because they were moving to the other side of the bar… being very considerate, lol. Of course after buying now a fourth drink, I realize that she did that, lol. I hadn’t planned on buying a fourth drink because I figured that would get me a bit too drunk. Ooops! So I got to drink all four, lol.

Oh, I met Mel, the piercer, too. She has the most fantastic breasts! I guess it’s one benefit to being gay, women don’t mind you grabbing their breasts (as much as they would if the guy wasn’t gay, lol), and might I say, I had her boobies in my hands quite a lot during the evening, lol. Actually, come to think of it, I probably had a lot of people parts in my hands that night, hahaha! Always through clothing though mind you!

Matthew said he was buying ‘takeout’ and I totally didn’t realize until lastnight that he meant alcohol… I thought he was talking about, uhm, well… food! Which is why I was especially confused when there wasn’t any later on, lol. Later on being, of course, at Kate & Jill’s place.

I had a couple of options, drive home, stay with Matthew (they had, sort of, a designated driver), or go with Patrick. I definitely wasn’t in any shape to drive, damn that fourth drink! While I could have gone with Patrick that would have meant he’d need to take me back to York so I could get the car, so that seemed less than ideal, so going with Matthew and them seemed like the best choice. I didn’t fully intend on staying at Kate & Jill’s all night, Patrick was sort of waiting for me, but as the evening progressed and I just kept feeling drunk (continuing to drink beer certainly helped, lol).

There was a point in the evening where Matthew decided to take a walk and I decided to come with him, but I’m going to write about that in a different entry because it is such a massive tangent, bringing in all sorts of detail missing from previous writings about him and me. I guess we were gone for rather a while though, because eventually Jill (I think, though maybe it was Kate?) came to find us.

The four of us proceeded to sit out on their balcony for rather a long time, basically until the sun started to come up. We drank beer, smoked ciggies, and talked about quite a number of topics… from gender, politics, environmental & scientific impact on our food, relationships with our parents, coming out, and basically anything that could fit between those topics. It was fascinating to have such an intellectual conversation with a group of people… I don’t think I’ve had that occur since Pittsburgh! It was especially nice because we basically could use that as a way to know each other so much better too.

I don’t recall if I’d mentioned it before, but Matthew had a similar complaint as Patrick in regards to how he doesn’t really know me all that much better than when we met, so hopefully that morning conversation helped. :) I know I’ve been intentionally trying to break my habit of not explaining things when Patrick and I talk with each other, it seems to be working, thankfully.

Kate set Matthew and I up with blankets and pillows as we not quite stumbled into the living room where conveniently there were two couches. Less than conveniently the other couch was a mere loveseat, lol, and Matthew called the ‘real’ couch because he was taller… bah, by an inch and a half maybe! I’m so not used to people being taller than me! …or maybe I am, but still, most people are either my height or shorter. I’m not exceptionally tall or anything, Stephen and Cole literally towered over me with their 6′4″ bodies, but I also know tons of short people. :) It was also kind of funny because sometime earlier in the night I told Kate that I didn’t care where I slept (if at her house) if I was cuddled up with Matthew, lol. [I usually cuddle up with anyone if I'm sleeping next to them, unless they seem particularly paranoid about it [Jon as perfect example], because that’s basically the only way I can get to sleep most of the time. I’ve just grown accustomed to having either a pillow or a person in my arms.

I made a quick trip to the bathroom, walked over to the couch Matthew was on and gave him a kiss on the forehead, no idea why, it just seemed like a good way to say goodnight. I think that’s true of a lot of things I do, I don’t have any particular reason for doing them on a conscious level, it’s just affection, it gets shown in whatever way feels right at that very moment. I suppose sometimes that could get me into trouble, which is where that whole ‘dreaded’ idea of something being “boyfriend safe” comes into play… it’s always about intentions.

I woke up a few times during the night, as you know a guy sleeping on a two-seat sofa isn’t the most comfortable thing, lol. I know one of those times I woke up Matthew was also awake, we kinda waved at each other and then he got up to use the bathroom. The second time I started having this dream where I was talking to Matthew, I suppose, because I heard him talking on the phone. It was really funny to me when I woke up pointing at him ready to respond outloud.

We went out to smoke a cigarette, my very last one, lol, since of course I had totally planned on being at home before seeing him, remember? I don’t remember us talking about anything, I figure we were both in hangover mode, nice and cracked out. Drinking at a bar has one major disadvantage other than being very expensive… …it’s not easy to start drinking copious quantities of water after the alcohol. I do remember him asking me if I had anything in my magic bag, lol, unfortunately I hadn’t restocked it from the last time. I did have a good number of vicodins, but, uhm, no. After the cig he mentioned he wanted to take a quick shower, heh, I didn’t think about it much, but then I realized I was kind of stuck for a while where I was…

You see, there’s this really weird thing about their ‘apartment’ in regards to the bathroom; it’s also a hallway! You can’t get to the living room without going through the bathroom and likewise you can’t get anywhere else in the house without going through the bathroom, lol.

While I know it wouldn’t be a big deal if I’d walk through the bathroom (if he didn’t lock it), I still felt a little strange about it. I sat outside for a little while, just sort of becoming awake, drinking some yummy lime tea, a pleasant surprise since I tend to buy it all the time here at home. Eventually I figured he’d be done so I casually walked down the hall and was like “Hey, are you naked?” He opened the door fully clothed, lol, so I said “damn!” ;)

We got ready to leave, said our goodbyes to Kate & Jill and headed off to where I left my car. I’m not sure why, but it’s always really weird to leave from being with him. I never quite know what to say or do, apart from just going by habit and instinct. I suppose the feeling is pretty similar to when I drop Jon off, or whenever I leave from Patrick’s house. Most of the time I’d rather not be leaving their company, so there is this sort of anxiety that comes into play.

I half invite him to come with Andrew, Patrick and myself later on in the evening to see this movie at the drive-in, mention something about maybe seeing each other later that night or the next day, whatever might work out, we hug and kiss each other on the cheek, and tell him to follow me out of York so he’ll learn the non-hell way of getting back to Chambersburg. Welcome to Saturday, I’m still not back from Philly and it’s two in the afternoon.