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I’ve written a bit here and there about losing weight and the size of my clothing, etc. I’m actually having a bit of difficulty adjusting to being smaller, and the thing is, I AM smaller… What I mean is, clothiers seem to be adjusting sizes, in that size 38 pants are no longer for those with a 38″ waist as one would expect… I always figured this was a societal adjustment to the plumping up of America. We keep eating horrid food, keep getting larger, but all the while still buy the same sized pants/shirts/underwear, because the clothing is getting larger too!

It was a little difficult to start considering myself a “Large” …but it’s mind boggling to think I need to start looking in the section for “Medium” clothing.

I think the conscious decision to stop drinking soda and instead drink filtered water, along with moving my bedroom downstairs and having an office upstairs, are probably the best decisions I’ve made in a very, very long time.

I remember last summer Cole and I were talking about sewing pants, and in order to do so I needed to take ‘actual’ measurements, not the fictionalized clothing industry ones we seem to have burned into our memories. He had a little bit of a panic when I told him his ‘actual’ waist size, particularly because it was very close to mine, lol. I think mine was somewhere around 42 inches, which seems reasonable considering the dress pants for my suit were that size.

I measured my waist this morning and it is a firm 38 inches, so I’ve definitely lost four inches in the last year, meaning it really does put me at now wearing size 34 pants. It truly is… amazing.

I’ve been mainly occupied with my waist size, as in a sense that is the most noticible, especially considering that nearly all of my pants had been 38, I started buying 36 in the spring. My size 36 pants fall completely off without the help of a belt, and even with a belt they’re starting to bunch up to the point of becoming unwearable. I think I have a single pair of size 34 pants right now, so that means I definitely need to do some shopping.

The thing about it though, is that everything has changed. I’d been discovering that even my underwear has started acting “flappy” lately. So, now it’s time to start wearing “medium” instead of “large” ..or so I thought. Now, granted, each manufacturer cuts things a little differently, so my psuedo-european ‘favorite’ underwear, in medium, fits fairly perfectly. The other day I went shopping, because I really couldn’t stand wearing size large anymore, way too flappy, but the store was out of what I was going to buy. I figured why not just buy Hanes, right? HAH! Well, I bought medium, which is for sizes 32-34, figured they ought to fit… right? HAH again! I put them on this morning after a shower and, well, they feel sort of like what I’d suspect extra large to feel like, if not that, certainly size large. Now, I’m not buying boxers, nor tighty-whities… nor am I buying boxer briefs, I’m buying “fly-less trunks” …the hybrid of a boxer-brief and a regular brief, but of course with no fly. They’re SUPPOSED to be snug, the legs aren’t supposed to move around! They’re just plain… huge!

I simply cannot fathom buying size small underwear… but oddly enough I rather like what I just bought, and of course I can’t return them, so… I might actually go and buy size small… using hot water isn’t going to shrink the elastic afterall. It really is, to me, not quite believable that I could wear medium for one thing, and even less believable that medium would be too big.

When I was buying my suit, and if you haven’t figured out by now it is HUGE on me these days, to the point I can’t even think about ever wearing it again, I felt a size 18 neck dress shirt would be most comfortable, but I couldn’t find one that I liked, shock. I don’t recall ever actually taking my neck measurement back then, but the 17.5 neck was a bit too snug. As one might suspect I have a wide range of sizes in dress shirts these days too. I wore one yesterday and my god… I felt like I was wearing a moomoo. I measured my neck… it’s 16″ …technically, it’s 15.5, but I stuck in a finger or two so that I’d not be choking to death. Dress shirts, I would assume, follow the more strict sizing of dress pants, but of course… who knows really? They aren’t exactly easy to try on, especially considering most are sold wrapped up.

Shoes… Less weight on the feet also means the feet don’t flatten out as much. I had purchased this pair of Land’s End shoes mostly because they seemed like they’d be nice, and they fit ‘okay’ even though I really needed an eleven and a half, but they didn’t have any. Twelve would have been a boat, eleven… a bit tight, okay at the store, but uncomfortable to actually wear. I didn’t take them back though… not sure why, but not surprisingly they fit rather well now. My Skechers… they’ve been my quintessential shoe, in 11.5, now they’re too big to wear comfortably. I suppose it is just as well, they were starting to get a bit worn out anyway.

I weigh 220 pounds now. That may seem like a lot, and, really it is, but I’m pretty damned proud of it. I would probably weigh less, but with the months of gardening I’ve gained quite a bit of muscle mass that had dwindled away in previous years (I used to lift weights while in highschool, but never really had the desire to pay a gym for the privilege since then). I’m also six feet tall, so… it really isn’t out of the realm of normalcy. Thing is… I remember weighing sixty more pounds than I currently do. That is downright scary… Working all day at a desk and poor eating habits that accompany a twisted schedule cause that to happen though. If you’d walk into any major call centre you’ll see people of astronomical size, I guarantee it. I remember this one woman that literally used two chairs, one for each cheek!

I remember the drops in weight rather vividly too. I remember being scared and freaking out several years ago while still working at the bank and seeing that 280 in its bright red digital glow. I think it was shortly after that when I quit working at banks, moved away, and did a reboot of my life in general. I think I weighed about 260 in 2002, still way too heavy. It was last summer when I really got out of my funk and started being active, and found myself at about 240 or so last fall, or around there to start out this year with. At the start of this year I was still wearing size 38 pants well, but they were starting to get loose. In the spring I weighed 230 pounds, the summer 225, and when I weighed myself the other day, and still found myself to be 220 this morning, I was happy about it.

Do you know why I’m happy about it? I’m no longer technically obese, it puts my BMI at 29.8. I’m now considered “just” overweight, lol, at least according to the National Heart, Lung, & Blood Institute. I’m putting my ‘target weight’ at 180 pounds, that puts me into the ‘normal’ range on the BMI scale.

I do think that losing another forty pounds is going to be difficult, but I don’t think it would be impossible to do. I’ve not lost weight because of a “diet” nor has it been “rapid” by any means. My weight loss and subsequent clothing hell has been a result of conscious lifestyle choices, ones that are not difficult to maintain or live with. I can see myself losing at least another twenty pounds by this time next year, and I’ll have to check back on this post then, just to see if I’ve been correct. Truthfully, I’d be happy with 200 too, but that additional 20 afterwards to get to 180, well it’d be awesome.

My bones aren’t going to get smaller, so I doubt I’ll ever be a size 32 in pants, but I can see myself someday being able to wear a size medium shirt and it not feel like I need to peel it off with a spatula. I look forward to the day when I might be able to have a TIGHT shirt on and not feel overly self-conscious about it. It might take me until I’m 28 to feel “hot” like I’ve always wanted, but… in a way and it does amuse me to think it, but, if I could ever look as good as Patrick at 33, that would be incredible.

My heaviest until now, I’ve lost sixty pounds… I have a meager forty more to go! :)

How I look is important, but the truly important thing here is general health. My dad died of a heart attack, that one being his second. Heart disease is a family trait, along with the corresponding ills of high blood pressure, and elevated levels of ‘bad’ cholesterol. I do smoke, and while I fully understand the severe health risks associated with it, I accept them… with all good things (and I truly enjoy smoking) there are sacrifices. Because I’m unwilling to stop smoking I need to concentrate on the other risk factors and lower them as much as possible.

There is also something very interesting and related to the risk factors I was just mentioning. A few years ago, along with the piles of antidepressents, migraine medications and sinus & allergy medications, I was also prescribed and taking blood pressure medication. I would still be having horrid and debilitating headaches on a regular basis. My blood pressure wasn’t frighteningly high, but it was high enough to be a possible cause of my headaches. I’ve not tested it lately, and I think that I perhaps should because my headaches have been rather rare in the past few months (thankfully).

I’ve not had my cholestrol, triglycerides, or blood sugar levels checked in a very long time, mostly because even when I was painfully overweight they were okay, so I doubt by being healthier overall that would change toward the negative direction.

My mother has the same “problems” that I do in regards to clothing, and it’s something we regularly complain about… or more precisely the fact we don’t have anything to wear that fits properly. The most interesting thing in regards to that though is discovering on Tuesday that this guy, the secret agent, I had spent the day with was also dealing with the ‘pants fall right off’ situation. We could instantly relate to each other on a level that I can only relate to my mother on, which to me was very nice.