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Random, but I find myself missing the neat features of OS X whenever I’m using my Gentoo workstation (which is whenever I’m actually… well, working).

I found a little thing called skippy to give expose-esque functionality to the desktop, but I can’t figure out (yet) if it’s possible to do a hot-corner thing with it like OS X — I haven’t tried though. It is also horribly slow and doesn’t do automatic updates like the real thing, basically it’s just junk… good in theory, crap in comparision to the real Apple Expose. I do realize that one can install some bastardized X server that has all sorts of patches applied to it so that windows will update, etc, but hell, I had a difficult enough time when Gentoo just automatically swapped me to the ‘xorg’ X server, versus XFree… of course, aren’t they the same thing? Whatever, I don’t care, whatever works.

I’ve been ‘vacationing’ from reality as much as I can lately, for obvious reasons… basically that I would rather my mind just be totally shutdown. I also could say that my mind is basically shutdown because my emotions are overpowering everything else. It’s that little deep depression deal, where it’s difficult enough to even get out of bed in the morning, or… afternoon. Recognizing this fact, I’ve been forcing myself to be productive in at least some ways. I finally cut the mats and framed these cheap prints we’d bought forever ago… I hate cutting mats; the math is painful, making sure the cuts are actually straight is always a difficulty — possibly because I’ve never invested in a quality straightedge, a wooden ruler doesn’t work too well when you’re running a razor sharp x-acto, utility knife, and/or mat cutting “thing” down it.

Since I’m intending to purchase some art from deviantprints I figured bringing myself back up to speed on something I’ve not really done since highschool (mat cutting) would be advantageous. In case you’re interested, I’m planning on purchasing this piece in 12×18″ format and this piece in 8×12″ format. The artist for the second is very nice, I spoke with her through the note system and it turns out she also has that print in her bedroom.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, perhaps. I’ve been missing the springloaded folders in OS X. I keep ‘attempting’ to use them in Gnome, of course it doesn’t work, and subsequently become a bit frustrated.

In this escape from reality of mine I’ve been doing lots of random crap like defragmenting the windows portion of the workstation (it was 60%+ fragemented, hahaha) and other various software updates in Gentoo. I decided to look for a little app, patch, plugin, whatever that would enable springloaded folders. No joy, it seems that Apple has patented the IDEA of springloaded folders, thus even though it’s extremely easy to implement it into Gnome, the developers won’t do it because they’ll be royally fucked for infringement. Software patents are evil, and it highly disappoints me that Apple is on that side of the battle.

I’m not quite sure how, but Linux is running surprisingly faster now that I’ve defragmented the Windows partition; they really shouldn’t have anything to do with each other… so very strange.

All of this has me thinking about the whole operating system philosophy again. Linux is as close to perfect for me as I can imagine. The only issue is that I cannot run certain software… Photoshop being the prime issue. OS X is perfect for me when it comes to a mobile computing platform, I can run all of my ‘high end’ image applications, and I can use that neato iSight webcam with it. OS X also has lots of neat little user-experience-enhancing thingees (technical term of course) like springloaded folders and Expose. I’d really like a desktop Mac, I really, really would… but I’d never be able to give up Evolution for email (though Entourage is close… I guess). Realistically they both are overkill Outlook-esque apps… I don’t use even a quarter of the features in either of them, though it is nice to sync my Palm with Entourage — something I’ve not done in almost a year probably. I also could never give up Gaim, it is the perfect chat program. I do realize that I could run both on OS X using gtk engine and all that crap, but it is so messy and one loses out on the beauty simplicity. It’s sort of like running Windows on a Mac via emulator, it’s idiotic.

Windows… blegh, it’s only good for playing games. MCE is neat because it does DVR/PVR functions, but if Comcast would get off its corporate ass and bring DVR to our area (really, what is so difficult about it?! Just give me the damn box! Surely you already offer the programming data to regular digital subscribers and thus it’d be available…!) the MCE would be made totally obsolete. Blegh, I’m about to just go buy a Tivo and say screw it to the whole digital cable bullshit along with the waiting for a century for the DVR to become available. While I have considered building my own media center box, it rapidly becomes much more expensive than a Tivo, with questionable video quality… even if it can be more functional. I just don’t like the idea of having to pay for program data…

I could get satellite with DVR functionality quite easily… but of course the cost of having just cable internet becomes equal to the cost of cable tv and internet thanks to the little “non-tv-subscriber” fee they tack onto the bill. I would not only be paying for cable tv, but also the $80ish (?) per month for the whiz-bang satellite tv. It’s just not worth it. The problem is I want all those special Discovery network channels that one can only get with digital cable or satellite. It’s such a quagmire.

Through this so called mini vacation from reality I’ve also been taking photos. I’ve become so incredibly frustrated with my Nikon 885 that I’ve nearly thrown it across the room, stomped on it, taken a hammer to it, and then driven a car over it. That would be to, of course, justify purchasing a new camera. I’ve had this little rule about purchasing ‘new’ things before ‘upgrading’ existing things, which would then make it possible to buy a new camera… right, yeah, I know it’s ridiculous.

The Nikon doesn’t seem to ever want to focus on what I want it to focus on. Even if I put the little focus square where I want it, highlight it, etc, it still seems to focus way beyond what I want to be in focus! It also has a knack of going right ahead with the actual photo taking even if I only half press to get a focus confirmation instead of a full press of the shutter.

I know I’m asking way too much of a point and shoot camera, of course when I bought this one digital SLR cameras were so far out the of the realm of financial reality I had little choice. I’d been using my Canon Rebel XS… a real camera, even if on the relative low-end of real cameras, it was fantastic. I still have it, but of course it uses that horrible thing known as film. All of this has lead me to believe that if I have any desire to continue down the line of photography, which I really do, I need to purchase some serious photographic equipment and do away with the little point and shoot Nikon (even if it does have most of the features I need…. just lacking interchangable lenses and the ability to focus properly, hah). The newish Canon 350D at a ghastly (to me anyway) $900 seems to be the way to go, having seen many improvements over the 300D (aka the Digital Rebel). It’s either that or whop down almost twice as much and get the 20D… which is really quite out of the realm of reality.

I have no idea when I’d get a new camera, but I know I need to do it. In theory the Canon cameras will work with my existing EOS lenses, since they are EF series… it’ll be very nice to be able to use my 300mm zoom again.

I’m also totally stressing over my IKEA Stolmen wardrobe system. It’s that time of the month again (spend money with nearly reckless abandon), errr… I mean, it’s the time of the month for ‘my’ paycheck, instead of the paycheck that goes to bills and ‘corporate re-investment’ etc.

I created the “master plan” for the Stolmen a couple of weeks ago. I setup the four phases, which I’ve compacted out of impatience. I bought the four posts and three rails, heard the checking account scream in terror, but so far it’s working nicely even if it does look a little strange. It will look less strange after I get the remaining pieces, which I’m guessing might be this weekend.

I’m having a lot of difficulty with retaining the passion for anything lately, as so many of my little plans involve another person… conspicously lacking at present. There’s something about my personality that makes it difficult to do things just for me, for the purpose of my own enjoyment only. It’s like the lounge, I didn’t feel the need to finish it until I found myself needing a place to entertain ‘people’…. as in… have a place to make out with that hot boy, err.. you know what I mean, I needed a bachelor pad.

I’m so very disillusioned with the whole dating thing at this point, almost to the point of siding with my lesbian friend who has decided to date boys now… I like girls plenty fine, it’s just the sex part that is kind of icky to me. For those straight boys reading this, just imagine how icky you’d think sex with another guy would be and then you’ll understand, it’s the same icky feeling. Blegh, yet again.

So, anyway, I find myself questioning if I should bother finishing my wardrobe system, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I’m not really feeling the passion for making the bedroom nicer… I need to share it with someone for me to want to improve upon it.

That reminds me, but I kind of miss Matthew spending the night, not for any particular reason, we’ve just not had a whole lot of call for drunkeness to the point of being unable to drive for a very long time, add in boyfriends and the such that usually frown upon their men sleeping with other men, and well… you have that not happening. I think though, this is just a case of missing another person there, nothing else. I don’t recall ever being cuddly with him, unlike other people, so it really was just the idea of another person being there, some form of safe feeling as a result.

The recent boyfriend never did actually spend the night. I found it a little strange, but I never really asked him about it in all that detail. He made mention of not being able to sleep all that well in a ‘new place’ and I could completely agree with that… there’s always those weird noises or the lack of them that throw the whole sleeping pattern out of whack. I didn’t get a single moment of actual sleep the first time I slept in Frederick, the traffic noises were just too difficult to ignore. Since he worked so much, the concern for not having a decent period of sleep was very valid. The one night he was supposed to spend the night he didn’t, cancelled, heh… not to say he didn’t sleep here, because he did once, and it was really nice, almost sort of perfect, but he woke sometime in the middle of the night, woke me up and then went home after saying goodbye.

Ugh, I really miss that guy… I can so easily make excuses for his horrid behaviour, unlike some others where there can be no excuse and they’re easily written off. I’m also the type that absolutely needs to know why; I have great difficulty in finding some sort of closure when there is none, when there is no reason given. I need a reason, until then, or until something dramatic occurs to distract me, I’ll be stuck.

The Stolmen system, yes back to that, still has my mind churning. I keep trying to come up with ways of putting the rest of the pieces in so that it doesn’t cost quite as much, but unfortunately I can’t quite justify going without the most expensive parts.

The most expensive parts are the drawer sets, btw. They weigh in at a decently hefty, by comparision, $80 each; I need two of them. I hang nearly everything, with the exception of socks and underwear. I barely use two of the four drawers in my current chest as it is, and each drawer set is probably equivelent to four of the drawers in the current chest. I had an optimistic/delusional eye to the future, where it would be advantageous to have enough drawers for two people… no second person in particular, but it seemed like a good idea. I probably only need one of those drawer sets, but two will make the system “look” better.

Why do I need to buy drawers if I have a chest of them already? The chest is rather old and yucky, and while I could refinish it, I’d rather buy something made of fake wood, hah. Actually, I’ll be moving that into what will become the guest room once my brother David moves out (sometime within the next month or so). I’ll then be replacing the chest of drawers with something more functional to me — a bookcase with doors. When it comes to my office clutter is the norm, I’ve come to accept that, but for the bedroom and lounge, I cannot stand the clutter… I want everything hidden away in nice boxes or cabinets.

With this Stolmen organization system out in the open I’ve also discovered that wooden hangers are now a must. The section where I have only wooden hangers (which I’ve always preferred) looks ever so much nicer than the side with cheapo black plastic ones. Of course, this is a slanted analysis because the clothing on the wooden hangers is of considerably higher quality (read as label-whore clothing) than that on the plastic hangers, heh.

It looks like I’ll just be biting the bullet, ignoring the screams of the checking account, and going with the idea of getting everything for the Stolmen system in this pass. It’ll then be done, or at least mostly done… I might still want to add a couple of extra little widgets, but those will be considerably less expensive than the drawers or shelving.

The infomercials have come on, so it’s time for me to end this rambling mess of a journal post.